Chris (chrisjournal) wrote,

At least it hasn't been a month this time...

But the insanity is not over yet for me. This week, the only other manager at the site tendered his resignation. That means before month's end, I will double the size of my staff and workload magically. That's going to be oh-so-fun. I don't want to be top banana. I don't *like* being top banana. I like being part of a team. I like starting something, and finishing it. Both of which are sadly lacking in my life right now.

Good news is that the family life is stable. Hub quitting job and not immediately diving into a new one has brought a balance to our lives that makes the insanity of my non-fam life at least doable.

Bad news is that I miss the part of life that used to be just mine. It's a good thing Writercon was when it was, because otherwise, it never would have happened with me as a part of it.

There's so much else going on in my life -- I wish I had the time to write it all up. There's a nano count of words present there, just that the time to type it out is completely missing. Given the events of the week, a political essay brews in my head but lacks the focus I would want for a publicly posted statement. Instead, I'll

I long for an election in which I can vote for a candidate with my conscience. The present system leaves me voting pointlessly for my political structure conscience rather than for a candidate who truly represents my beliefs about what should be done in this country, much less someone who I believe can actually bring some of that to pass. And lord, what I wouldn't give for a candidate who truly represents my beliefs about what *shouldn't* be done by the government. How desperately I wish that there had been/will be a party, a candidate, that truly represents what I believe in and long for -- all of it.

I see disillusion and pain across the board, and I don't blame the candidates. I don't blame the voters on one side or ther other. I blame decades of apathy and inaction, I blame a system that's set up for professional politicians, and not for government of the people by the people. I blame compromise and the lesser of two evils.

So many have talked about how fear drove this election, on both sides. Fear drives me, too. But I'm more voiceless than any of those whose "candidate" lost in this election.

I'm a registered independent. I'm neither a fan of Bush nor of Kerry. Cheney is the devil, and although I feel for John Edward's (edited for mistyped last name -- I live in NC, not Mass)personal situation, he has been worse than useless as half of my senatorial representation -- he abandoned me and mine in pursuit of a loftier goal. I'm passionate about my independence. I'm an opponent of a stagnant two-party system, and I believe that the system, more than the people, more than the candidates, more than the issues, is at the root of the divided nature of our country.

I fear greatly that it can only get worse the way we are going. I see a repeat of the dialectic problems that existed during the civil war era. Certainly what I'm reading as I randomly catch up on weeks of missed LJ could easily be rewritten to fit right into the polemics of a time in which those dissatisfied in both parties left and formed a new party, ironically enough, the party that has over time become the modern day Republican party. A war had to be fought to clear the dust then. A war about state vs federal rights, a war about the sanctity of human life and the importance of acceptance and tolerance. A war about eradicating individual fear in the face of a powerful collective fear.

It's time again -- it's been time for a long while -- for real change. Morphing of a party. Or better yet, the formation of a new party out of the ashes we've created. And true leaders are sadly, sadly lacking, though there are at least a few individuals out there with the power of words and a rhetoric of compassion that gives me hope.

For my entire voting life, the party system has been a problem for me, and I can only hope that the pain arising from an election like the one we just experienced will provide enough impetus in the general population to effect change without a civil war, cold or otherwise. It seems we've only gotten smarter about where we shed our blood, not better at avoiding the blood entirely. Wealth and power and the international responsibility that comes with them make it possible for us to spread our internal conflict across the world, not just within our borders.

Those on the side of right, of progress, of humanity back then would be disgusted with both modern day parties and candidates, I think. I am too.

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