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But the insanity is not over yet for me. This week, the only other manager at the site tendered his resignation. That means before month's end, I will double the size of my staff and workload magically. That's going to be oh-so-fun. I don't want to be top banana. I don't *like* being top banana. I like being part of a team. I like starting something, and finishing it. Both of which are sadly lacking in my life right now.

Good news is that the family life is stable. Hub quitting job and not immediately diving into a new one has brought a balance to our lives that makes the insanity of my non-fam life at least doable.

Bad news is that I miss the part of life that used to be just mine. It's a good thing Writercon was when it was, because otherwise, it never would have happened with me as a part of it.

There's so much else going on in my life -- I wish I had the time to write it all up. There's a nano count of words present there, just that the time to type it out is completely missing. Given the events of the week, a political essay brews in my head but lacks the focus I would want for a publicly posted statement. Instead, I'll

I long for an election in which I can vote for a candidate with my conscience. The present system leaves me voting pointlessly for my political structure conscience rather than for a candidate who truly represents my beliefs about what should be done in this country, much less someone who I believe can actually bring some of that to pass. And lord, what I wouldn't give for a candidate who truly represents my beliefs about what *shouldn't* be done by the government. How desperately I wish that there had been/will be a party, a candidate, that truly represents what I believe in and long for -- all of it.

I see disillusion and pain across the board, and I don't blame the candidates. I don't blame the voters on one side or ther other. I blame decades of apathy and inaction, I blame a system that's set up for professional politicians, and not for government of the people by the people. I blame compromise and the lesser of two evils.

So many have talked about how fear drove this election, on both sides. Fear drives me, too. But I'm more voiceless than any of those whose "candidate" lost in this election.

I'm a registered independent. I'm neither a fan of Bush nor of Kerry. Cheney is the devil, and although I feel for John Edward's (edited for mistyped last name -- I live in NC, not Mass)personal situation, he has been worse than useless as half of my senatorial representation -- he abandoned me and mine in pursuit of a loftier goal. I'm passionate about my independence. I'm an opponent of a stagnant two-party system, and I believe that the system, more than the people, more than the candidates, more than the issues, is at the root of the divided nature of our country.

I fear greatly that it can only get worse the way we are going. I see a repeat of the dialectic problems that existed during the civil war era. Certainly what I'm reading as I randomly catch up on weeks of missed LJ could easily be rewritten to fit right into the polemics of a time in which those dissatisfied in both parties left and formed a new party, ironically enough, the party that has over time become the modern day Republican party. A war had to be fought to clear the dust then. A war about state vs federal rights, a war about the sanctity of human life and the importance of acceptance and tolerance. A war about eradicating individual fear in the face of a powerful collective fear.

It's time again -- it's been time for a long while -- for real change. Morphing of a party. Or better yet, the formation of a new party out of the ashes we've created. And true leaders are sadly, sadly lacking, though there are at least a few individuals out there with the power of words and a rhetoric of compassion that gives me hope.

For my entire voting life, the party system has been a problem for me, and I can only hope that the pain arising from an election like the one we just experienced will provide enough impetus in the general population to effect change without a civil war, cold or otherwise. It seems we've only gotten smarter about where we shed our blood, not better at avoiding the blood entirely. Wealth and power and the international responsibility that comes with them make it possible for us to spread our internal conflict across the world, not just within our borders.

Those on the side of right, of progress, of humanity back then would be disgusted with both modern day parties and candidates, I think. I am too.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2004 03:12 pm (UTC)
Hey Chris, Glad to see you're still alive and kicking. So speaking of writercon...any word on when we'll be getting audio tapes and such? Anything we can do to speed up the process? Chocolate? Kisses? I might just be out of the loop, lol.
Nov. 7th, 2004 08:18 am (UTC)

We encountered some time and minor technical challenges, but work proceeds with a new drive ordered this weekend. Rob's going to have some of the audio ready to go very soon now, but it looks like end of year for the video. We've got the new domain up, but not really running, and there should be plenty of space and bandwidth to let folks who're in a hurry download, and folks who'd rather not waste download time get cds. When the vid goddess returns from Ireland, we ought to be able to pin down a delivery date to put on the interim page, too.

As for help, Keep on being you, m'dear. That is help enough. You make me smile, as always.
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 7th, 2004 08:19 am (UTC)
I *LOVE* your icon!!!!

(and I wub you too, you know...)
Nov. 7th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC)
This is the most cogent political post I have read yet on LJ and thank you for saying that. Our political system has become entrenched in a stagnant system which, despite capaign promises and rhetoric, continues to provide a government that insulates itself from real systemic change. I also found myself voting for a third-party this year because neither of the candidates were individuals I could in good conscience cast my ballot.

Those on the side of right, of progress, of humanity back then would be disgusted with both modern day parties and candidates, I think. I am too.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Nov. 7th, 2004 08:21 am (UTC)
Heya, Anne. Very, very good to hear from you. I really appreciated your posts leading up to the election here in NC, btw. Especially where the judiciary was concerned. It's nice to hear that someone's living out here in la la land with me. This year, I got my historically Republican mom to vote with me there. Over time, something will change. I don't care if it's Log Cabin Repubs changing the Repub party, Libertarians learning how to run actual campaigns, or Dems figuring out how to get off their pedastals long enough to see how Joe Sixpack really thinks. Just so there's *change*.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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