I think this is spring cleaning for my brain.
Buffy closed the door with a finality she didn't like. In the space of a few hours, she'd lost the final remnants of security left in her world.
Visions of Giles' face when she'd stared defiance across the table in the Magic Box two years ago floated through her mind. She'd told him in no uncertain terms what she was and wasn't willing to sacrifice in her battle.
She'd always been an all-or-nothing kind of girl, and that hadn't changed now. She'd almost convinced herself that it had, and that was Giles' final lesson to her: she hadn't changed. Her world was still lit up in black and white, even if she'd learned to acknowledge that vast canvases of gray covered the world she lived in.
He'd seemed to accept the existence of the sacrosanct in her life back then, even if he didn't understand it. Now she'd begun to wonder if he'd ever planned to give her that. Perhaps only her threat to kill anyone who stood in her way had stayed his hand the night she'd won her freedom.
She wanted so very little...and it was too much. She wanted a family, friends. She wanted to feel a part of things instead of apart. She wanted to share her life.
Hearing the door to the house slam, then the quiet click of the basement door closing-to, Buffy raised her chin and headed for the stairs. It looked as if there might not be much of life left. Best to grab for the brass ring while it was still cool enough to touch.
Happy Birthday, Erin! Email me for a code if you want one!