?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Selfless.

Yeah. Okay, I'm s'pposed to spoiler font this thingy...talks about tonight's ep...


Selfless: Without concern for self (as per the dictionary), or, taking it from the roots: without self? You decide.

It's so very fucking weird that this ep aired tonight. For the last several weeks, I've been spiraling out of control with the giving of self stuff, and today it really came to a head. I bitched out the Senior VP of our division today (thank god he's got common sense), not just because things are falling through the cracks, but because I'm at the end of my rope. It happens every year around this time, different events except the massive number of birthdays, anniversaries, etc. . I lose time to be myself. High Holidays, work busy season with budgets and proposals for next year's projects and kicking into deployment on this year's. Mike's job gets crazed too, and the boys turn into little psychic vampires.

And inevitably I take on a couple of personal projects, too. This year was no exception. And it sucks all that is me out. I'm all things to all people, and folks think it's just grand. But I'm not *me*...I'm giving it all away. It's All.About.DutyandResponsibility.

And there's Buffy, tonight, doing the same damned thing. Again. God, I hope I'm a little less martyred about it than she is, but I feel for the girl.

It was so truly gratifying to see them dealing with the issue of her native repression that I didn't mind the huge, honking ANVILS they saw the need to drop on our heads wrt Anya/Spike Buffy/Xander parallels. (ahem...GO XANDER!...)

And then there's Spike. Poor, poor Spike. I'm starting to get a bit pissed at him, though. Yeah, he's been through the ringer and back a few times. But damn, boy, was Lurky right? Did you lose after all? Where's the spunk, the drive, the passion????? Get your ass *out* of that basement.

Wait that's a tangent. I lost the train of thought, but only sorta. Selfless. That's where I was. Spike's that other kind of selfless -- without self. He's all done with the giving of self, and there's nothing left. Very little, anyway. That's the kind of selfless I feel pity for. I'm losing pride in him now...sure do hope ME doesn't let this go on for too much longer.

Scuze me again. Gotta squeal... XANDER!!!! (eeeeeeeee!) This was not only the ep in which a kajillion little loose ends were tied up (can anybody say *finally* the cat's out of the bag on Becoming? Lousy excuse for Buffy forgetting that the sword wouldn't kill her, but hey, cool parallel), but it was also Xander's redemption. *snoopy dances* The new guy really gets Xander. The comfortador has returned. I'm so glad he's back. He's still a dork, and he's still all black-and-white-boy, but he's got his heart back in the right place.

Sigh. Need to go watch again with the west coast. More later.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
spikewriter
Oct. 23rd, 2002 07:50 am (UTC)
I'm all things to all people, and folks think it's just grand. But I'm not *me*...I'm giving it all away. It's All.About.DutyandResponsibility.

And there's Buffy, tonight, doing the same damned thing. Again. God, I hope I'm a little less martyred about it than she is, but I feel for the girl.


Chris, you just laid out exactly why I think I've never gotten caught up in the Buffy-hate that seems rampant these days -- I see my own reflection. When I started reading your comments, I couldn't help thinking "this sounds familiar." I've done the same thing myself so many times and it's a damn near impossible mess to get out of.

Was very happy with tonight's episode, though I have to admit my favorite line came from Anya's song: "Mrs. Anya Lame-assed made-up maiden-name Harris." Heh. Loved the girl in this episode.


chrisjournal
Oct. 23rd, 2002 03:38 pm (UTC)
Re:
Yeah. I still get *frustrated* with her, because in RL, I work hard to avoid getting into the trap (it's kind of a seasonal/cyclical thing with me), and she has at times seemed to give up. Of course, she's got good reasons for it and lacks the motivations that I have.

I'm watching Beauty and the Beast right now, and she's talking to the dead counselor, desperate for support, trying to open up. And, of course, he's dead. My friends don't tend to go nutso, and my husband is alive and breathing and a keeper all-in-all.

Yes, there are some similarities in our problems, but jeez Louise...the girl has very little support and none of it is unconditional...
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

August 2006
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Paulina Bozek